They Key Characteristic of Success

A Question

One hot Summer's day in 2018, I was out playing a lunch round of disc golf with the disc golf club from work. There were a handful of us there squeezing in one last round on a course that was set to be removed a short time later. As the hot, summer sun beat down on us while we walked back to our vehicles after the round, one of the then interns turned to me and commented something akin to the following:

"How long have you worked here?" he asked.

"Just over 4 years." I replied.

"So, Software Engineer, Tech Lead, and now Manager in a pretty short amount of time. What's your secret to success?"

At the time, I think I said something like "working hard" or something similar that's a true but superficial answer. Since then, I've done a bit of thinking about it, I've gained more experience as a manager, and I've gone through some more leadership training. Throughout that time, I've occasionally thought about that question and how my answer to it might change. I think I've finally settled on what my "secret" really is.

There are a lot of opinions on this. For fun, you can Google "what's the key to success" and see a wide range of thoughts on it. Most of them are very good and will help you improve and be more successful and others may not be applicable to you or may need to be adapted to your situation.

An Answer

So, what is my "secret?" What would I say now if someone asked me that question? Let me tell you.

Selflessness.

I know, I know. You're probably thinking, "clearly this guy doesn't know what he's talking about." And you're partially right. I'm pretty young in my career and have only worked for a few companies. Definitely some truth to that. Or you may be thinking that I must live in an idealistic state and that selflessness sounds nice but, out here in the real world, such a notion will only invite those that want to take advantage of you. That also may be true at times, but not in my experience. So, let me tell you a little more about my experience and why I've come to this conclusion.

A Story

Back in 2009, I ended the most life-changing two years of my life. What I did, what I learned, and who I ultimately became over these two years have shaped the rest of my life since that time. From school to friends, to my success in jobs, much of who I am today can be tied back to something I learned or some characteristic I acquired at this point in time in my life.

So, what was so special about this time in my life? As a member of The Church of Jesus Chris of Latter-day Saints, I chose to serve as a missionary for the church. Missionaries for this church usually serve when they've finished secondary school (aka high school) and before they begin their careers. At the time, the minimum age was 19 and that's when most people who chose to serve would go. Now, I've used the word "serve" a few times and it shouldn't be taken lightly. These young men and young women give up two years of their lives at one of the most critical times of their lives to leave their homes, spend 99.9% of their time with another human being, and talk to strangers all day (some of whom aren't happy that you exist).

So, how does this apply to success? In order to be a successful missionary, you need to care less about your personal comfort or you ego and more about the people around you and the cause you're supporting. If you're focused on yourself, you'll quickly become homesick, unmotivated, and depressed. You'll probably waste time, engage in activities that aren't appropriate for a missionary, and not have much success. If, however, you focus on serving your companion, helping people out, and what those around you need, you'll be fulfilled, not waste much time, and enjoy success (which varies from one area of the world to another).

A similar principle distinguishes those that survive Navy SEAL's training and those who don't. In the book The Outward Mindset, Captain Rob Newson shares his account that's related to this. During training, there's a bell that any candidate can ring at any time to quit the training. All they have to do is walk over and ring the bell and they're out. Captain Newson says, "I can say with certainty, when those who quit took the first steps toward the bell: the moment they stopped thinking about the mission and their teammates and started thinking primarily about themselves. So long as they stayed focused on the mission and those around them, they can get through anything. But the moment they start focusing inward and fixating on how cold, wet, and tired they are, it is not a matter of if they will ring out but when."

Applying It

So, am I serious about selflessness being a major part of success? Absolutely. When you're focused on yourself, you're more worried about your career, your future, and your success than anything else. When you're thinking this way, you're often blind to the best choices to make and the best options to take. You operate for your own good and not for the good of the business or the customers. When you fail to operate for the good of the business or its customers, you'll end up hitting a lot of roadblocks and resistance. There might be people that you often disagree with and can't seem to get them to see your side of things. You'll eventually get burned out and want to move on.

Approaching work with a selfless mindset is the opposite of this. Instead of focusing on your success or what's best for your career, you're focusing on what's best for the business and it's customers. You're often thinking about how you can bring value to the company or its customers and not how you can hit your numbers or how you're outperforming Joe or Jane. You're focus isn't on how poor things are going and how it'd be so much better if people listened to you, but rather it's on how you can help things go right and what you can do in your sphere of influence to make things better for those around you, for the business, and for the customers. When you're thinking like this, you've likely bought in to the mission of the company and find work to be more fulfilling.

Conclusion

So, what's my "secret" to success? While I'm definitely not perfect at it, I've seen time and time again in my short career that being selfless brings success. This notion is supported by works from The Arbinger Institute and books like The Go-Giver (though they do so much more eloquently and completely than I can ever aspire to). When I'm focused on the mission of my company or on helping things go right, I generally see more success in my career than when I'm worrying about how I look or what so-and-so thinks of me or if I'm doing a good job or not. The more I let go of my personal worries or preferences and focus on helping things go right, the more fulfilled I feel at work. And, when I do it, that's my secret to success.

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